Yesterday

Morning
whisper whispering in the wee hours of the morning "Mama, can I sleep with you?"
I pull myself from a deep slumber to make room for his little warm body to slide in next to me. He fits in beside me just so, little feet pushing through my legs and my arms wrapped around his little middle. How precious those moments are. Oh my goodness, how we love 3. Age 3 and all three. Age 3 is so special. A full, strong voice and a sweet, soft demeanor. Full of love and wildness and care. The other day we were at a play together and he rubbed and patted my back through the whole thing. I love him.
Back to that morning. Two other littles tumbling into bed and fighting for the spot next to Mama. I end up with the littlest directly on top of me, one to the left and one to the right of me. Soren tries to slumber on. Kasper loves his back rub and AnaSofia loves to talk. We pass the moments before sunrise listening to the ducks, watching the sky change from this color to that and keeping warm together in a bed not quite big enough for all five. Pure bliss.
I love them all.

Night

 We read in their three-tiered bunk bed. Usually I am curled in the covers with Magnus, then Kasper, then AnaSofia. Always rotating from bed to bed cuddling and snuggling for a bit before I say good night.
"I love you Magnus."
"I love you too Mommy" (tight little hands wrapped fiercely around my neck). Wow, Mr. Three. Thank you. Tears as I say good night to them all.
"I love you to infinity and back Mom," yells Kasper.
"I love you to infinity and back and back again," shouts AnaSofia.
"That's not possible!" says Kasper. And bickering ensues as I turn out the light. One more hug.
"It is okay guys, I understand. It is hard to put into words but we just feel it."
"I just love you SO much Mama."

Oh my dears. I know.

It all feels so precious and fleeting, doesn't it? Much like these days. The weather is feeling like early Spring rather than end of November and I am trying to immerse myself outdoors in the garden making more beds, working on the treehouse, planning more tree and garden space and just trying to be outside and soak it all up but it just isn't possible. It slips through our fingers no matter what...
Yesterday was one of those filled to the brim days. My heart bursting with love for this tribe I spend my days with - some days it is just so overwhelming - the desire to pause and hold them there, the late night wake up and prayer that we all are okay because right now we all are okay and it feels so good.
Holding on to that feeling of those tight squeezes and kisses from littles, the strong hugs of that gentle man and the warmth of the sunshine in December as long as I can.
Feeling grateful. Happy Thanksgiving!

I look at my yesterdays for months past, and find them as good a lot of yesterdays as anybody might want. I sit there in the firelight and see them all. The hours that made them were good, and so were the moments that made the hours. I have had responsibilities and work, dangers and pleasure, good friends, and a world without walls to live in.
― Beryl Markham, West with the Night

Wild and Free

Oh how lucky they are to be wild and free, soaking up every little bit this summer has to offer.

Has Your Dad Ever Brought Home Squid?

Soren has been a fisherman his whole life. He remembers keeping tanks of freshwater fish as a kid and going out late at night with a flashlight to get night-crawlers to feed his tank inhabitants. As a teenager, he traveled up the coast of Norway to fish and spend time with his Dad and his friend, Christian. This week he had the opportunity to go out at night and fish for squid. It was a pretty fun surprise for all the kids to wake up to the next morning. Thank goodness our kids are not squeamish or picky about food!

 

Community

 I catch a glimpse of the love and generosity of friends every where I turn here. Clara in the garden, Gema in the kitchen, Josh and Mel in the treehouse, Dave and Lori in the play structure, fields and tractor work, Jessie and Ryan in the flowers... The list goes on and on. This house is happily haunted with the love and care of others who care for us.

 

 The bounty we collect is not our own. It is filled with the love, hard work and care of so many others. I am intrigued by this kind of bartering with friends. Most often it is simply friendship but it feels good when it is something we know we can give back to them in some way. Unfortunately I find it hard to see my gifts and most often see what Soren can do for others. He can build, do plumbing, set up an electrical system... And his list goes on and on... Slowly I am working to see those gifts I can give to others beyond my sewing and cooking. It will come. In this moment, I am focused on being grateful for the gifts from others. Our little community pulling together stitch by stitch.

In the Thick of It

Our house and hearts are full. Friends and family streaming in and out. Just the way we like it. Home all day and outside just as much as possible. These kids of mine, they run outside at 7 in the morning and play until the sun has set. They walk to the garden with me, ride their bikes, swim, imagine and play. Thankfully they have friends willing to do just the same things and when their cousins came after a very long car ride, they taught them to shed their shoes and get dirty. It only took a day to convince everyone that mud and bare toes go together.

9 on the 13th

This girl... Wild, fun-loving, vibrant, happy, thoughtful, kind, sweet... My heart is full. Today my heart bursts with love and pride for all that she is. I am so thankful that she chose us on that day nine years ago. I am humbled by her presence, words, and creative crafty ways every day. We gifted her a special handmade doll cabinet from our friend Vance to use for her doll. The cardboard box is something she has been using since our November citrus fruit delivery as storage for all things doll. Did I say creative and crafty? Yes... So I designed something on a napkin and sent it off to our friend Vance who created our beautiful vision. So thankful today for so many and so much. Life if precious, this girl is the only AnaSofia created in the history of this world, full of stardust and sunshine, and I am so grateful to celebrate this day with her. Happy Birthday my sweet daisy.

Soft Animal

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

- Mary Oliver

 Alone. For the first time in eight years. Just me and some sweet friends of mine and a group of like-minded women. I cannot explain my need for outdoors, fresh air, hands in the dirt, sitting and staring for too long at something small and explainable (a bee, a crab, a bird, the wind in the trees and the list goes on...). I came to the beautiful gardens late because Kasper was crying and had a hard time letting me go. Magnus just waved and carried on, AnaSofia gave me many deep, meaningful hugs, but surprisingly, Kasper clung and pulled at my heartstrings the most. Still I set off on the three hour drive and let the stress, homesickness and responsibilities peel away. I arrived and everyone else had already set up their tents around one another in a glade surrounded by flowers and I was told to either join them or choose the last spot set back in behind the big oak tree. I could not believe my good fortune and quickly set up camp in the quiet circle alone behind grandfather oak. That night I woke at 11 pm and came out of my tent to gaze at the fireflies circling my circle. The next two mornings I awoke at 4:30 am, kissed the oak and gained a deep respect for the need for silence for the next two hours as I walked, watched and soaked it all in. They say you need to be still and quiet for awhile after you awake to allow your soul to come back to you from the dream world. It is quite true.
These days of learning about herbs, herbal medicine and myself were just what this witchy mama needed. So very thankful for those friends of mine for pushing me to jump on board...